I feel the anxiety over my life. The only thing which gives me peace, is the Lord Jesus Christ. I smoke, but my cigarettes do not give me peace. Instead, what happens when I smoke, is that my thoughts, I can more easily let go of them for a time. Life is fleeting. Life is precious. Always fight for life even when everyone else says "neigh" towards it. I look towards God, and find myself wishing I didn't smoke. I cut it out with the other thing i used to do. Now, I am down to smoking. To honor God I want to give up smoking. I think this will help with my anxiety. Even though my thoughts will build up. Maybe I will be better at taking care of myself too. I sleep better at night. My heart rate goes down. Instead of smoking, I went for a walk and that made me energetic. it is hot outside. But that is ok. By not smoking I will have more time at work. I mean, I don't understand why I smoke so much. Everything else I can kind of go without. But when I don't smoke I feel it. The desire to smoke grows and grows until it reaches a boiling point.
I just accept myself and my weaknesses. Maybe this is a part of the process. Learning and growing.
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